• Michael McMahon

Tennis

Updated: Sep 1

I went to a secondary school in Clare for 4 years and then to a grinds school in Galway for my last year. There were a few students from the countryside in both schools. I went from hearing a joke or two about cattle to a teacher joking about horses in the next school! https://tt.tennis-warehouse.com/index.php?threads/multiple-grips.638307/

I’m a professional tennis player in terms of clothing though not ranking! I was actually dressed like this as I walked to a garage on the other side of town one night. As you’d expect a police car stopped me on the way back to ask for my passport.


A new training tool apparently. Let’s just bring out the hurleys altogether! At least they’d never have to be restrung. I finally won the Claremorris Mayo B doubles a few months ago. Beforehand I was minding my own business when I hit in the face by a stray ball from the A doubles. That gave me extra motivation to win the match! It was only afterwards at the awards ceremony that I realised they’d also hosted a “B+” grade for the better players. So I don’t know then if that actually meant I won the C doubles!

https://m.facebook.com/profile.php?lst=100053463455849%3A100053463455849%3A1615174529 (“Tennis Michael” page)



The next bus won’t be for another 20 minutes. I’ll try not to stare!

An advantage with the old rackets is that they can serve as a self-defence weapon in the event of any heated line call disputes!




A benefit with distance courses and blogging is that you can pretty much do it anywhere. I’d gotten several covid tests and I asked the gardai a while back about emigrating away on a one-way ticket. They said if I’d a visa I could but then joked it’d have to be on the condition that I don’t ever come back! The guy at the airport almost stopped me for not having signed the top of my passport. That’s the first time I was ever asked that question! I began to experience a creative peak and stayed abroad longer even though I lost my matches.

http://tt.tennis-warehouse.com/index.php?threads/blue-clay-courts.641119/


They’re across the road from Apache Pizza. So they wanted another really cool Native American name. But instead of picking something like Cherokee or Navajo, they chose “Aztec Pizza”. Yes; they named a restaurant after a tribe world-renowned for human sacrifice. I wonder what toppings are on these pizzas!!!

There are some character roles where you don’t want to come across as too convincing! I hope he wasn’t method acting during this movie or he’d be giving all the food delivery guys a fright!

“Hello sir. Your appointment will be held down the corridor in the office beside the urinals!”

I used to play hurling when I was younger. I played wing-back. I was often confused about my positioning. They’d be telling me “stay beside him” if my opponent got past me. I suppose I didn’t want to stand too close in case it looked a bit romantic! Or “two hands” if I got lazy trying to pick up the ball. Eventually I was substituted and I decided to concentrate more on tennis when I was 16. There’s actually some overlap between the games in terms of hand-eye coordination. The players often told me I’d a hurley backhand! I was just terrible at hitting the hurley on my weaker side. Perhaps we should teach a one-handed forehand strike in hurling!

I’ve a wardrobe full of failed outfits. I’d a pink shirt to look more snazzy and of course I only wore it once. A few years back I was feeling confident so I went and bought an all black suit as if I were a hitman! Although I never had the boldness to wear it fully where I always added in different coloured pieces afterwards. One time I wanted to show my spiritual side so I bought these sleeveless vests with psychedelic designs. I think I wore it a few times to tennis to showcase my mystical shots! My enthusiasm only lasts a few days as the above styles clash with each other. I suppose it’s about wearing everything in moderation unless you want to be defined by one particular style. These days I’m just content with generic shorts and a jumper.


A friend asked me for a game of tennis "5 to 6". I was quite late because I thought he meant 5 minutes to 6 and not from 5 to 6 o'clock. That's the problem with textspeak! I was thinking it was a very precise time he had given!

Have you ever stayed in a hotel room where you hear lots sexual sounds in the room above and have a strange hope that it’s not real and just their TV, only to realise they don’t actually have romantic movies on the hotel TV’s? Or to be awoken in the middle of the night by really loud music only to realise it was a feeble attempt to mask their own noise?

Warning: completely anonymous people being heard moaning from my room:

I’m fairly certain they wanted to be heard. It's probably frowned upon to take a cautionary audio. Yet I don't think it's eavesdropping when it was their noise that came into my room! Unless it just someone being very frank about their surround sound movie selection and blared it around the hotel! I don't think it's voyeurism when it's pretty much forced on you!


Warning: mild nudity

The Voyeur 1994


I’ve always been a bit suspicious of romance; that there’s something hidden in the fine print which no one is immediately aware of. It’s like the way economists say there’s no such thing as a free lunch and there’s always an emotional cost to be paid somewhere down the line. I can also understand why some readers might be suspicious of all of these romantic jokes as if I were hiding dark secrets. In my view someone with perverted intentions would never give away their devious plans by joking about it. So if anything it might be the respectful people that don't laugh about it that you actually need to be wary of! Now we could go meta where the caveat is itself some kind of a decoy but only someone playing these tricks on others would possess the skill to recognise it. Catch 22! I can be a bit of a man-child unfortunately! If I go to a Mediterranean beach where a few women opt to be topless, I certainly wouldn't stare but I will walk along the entire length of the beach for a quick look!

The caretaker at the school handed me a huge basket of balls that I’d hit over the roof during lockdown!

Wouldn’t it be awesome if you could hit a few half-volleys in a reverse grip.

We can be as technical as we want describing our tennis swing technique:


I went to a tennis academy in Majorca for a week when I was 16. It was fun but I didn’t acclimatise to the heat so I was very fatigued. I wonder what tennis equations they study if you attend an academy full time: “Let p be the fundamental probability of you winning a tennis point... The following formula, to be explained, then yields the probability, w, that you will win the game. w = P(4,4) + P(3,4)[p + qp + q2pd] + P(2,4)[pd] + P(1,4)[p2pd]”


Did anyone find the chairlifts abroad a bit hairy but were nonetheless content to fly in a plane kilometres above sea level on the way back home? A plane can only fall downwards whereas a fear with these chairs is they could either snap downwards or glide backwards.

Some tennis players have their playing hand bigger than the weaker hand. Not me; I just have my t-shirt section significantly whiter than the racket arm!


I was at a gym membership interview years back where I went on autopilot as I filled out the forms. The staff member informed me that I was out by 15 years on today's date! I had filled in my date of birth by mistake!


I headed down one evening to a tournament in Co. Carlow. I was playing a really close singles match where we were both producing really fast shots. There was a mixed doubles match beside us and a crowd started to appear. I always imagined that they were watching both matches but lo and behold nearly everyone disappeared once the mixed doubles was over! I ended up losing in the tie-break but at least there were one or two mavericks that stayed behind to watch us finish our game.


I never knew I'd an identical twin!



Professional tennis players not only have their coaches in the stands but also their spouses. No wonder we can't compete with them when they're always trying to impress their partners! Tennis isn't really a game meant for "singles" if you know what I mean!




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I’ve to be wary sometimes of people who might get into the habit of deleting my posts:


I’d prefer it if moderators formed their own anti-Michael thread rather than taking down my content!


(This time there was no attempt to give an explanation for why the thread was deleted.)


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