• Michael McMahon

CV

Updated: 7 days ago

Michael is a truly wonderful person. (I did not write that myself!)


You thought correctly; when I go to the hairdresser I always get a jack-of-all-trades hairstyle. Short on the sides for a slightly defensive look, a tight moustache for a hint of professionalism, a medium-length beard for a wild coming-down-the-mountain appearance, all of which will be balanced by long hair on the top for whenever I need to exude a meditative vibe! I was told to shave the whiskers to look 10 years younger but I'm actually OK with looking wise beyond my years!

I originally titled it sample of my CV only to realise that it was the entirety of my CV!

I handed out deliveries and once or twice I got a few unhappy faces. It was only afterwards I realised the letters could have been them getting sued! My scanning, printing and stapling skills were a force to be reckoned with! I learned that if you ever spill fish soup on your bag be sure not to leave it around electrical systems or people will think something is melting. It was a handy stint because whenever I was bored of being inside I could go out and be a postman! I tried not to sneak in a hot chocolate break on my walk back! They trusted me with the cheque lodgements and I swear that I was never tempted to escape the pouring rain and make a runner to Hawaii. I worked 11am-6pm which was a life-saver for my weary mornings!

I actually tried to self-educate by Googling my own personal syllabus on the phone a lot of the time when I was trying to form new ideas. You could be an 80 year old sage who writes down endless wisdom in a giant book but unless you can summarise your arguments in a Google article with a few photos and internet links then I'll never be able to learn from you since I'll probably never even have the energy to read it unfortunately!


It's funny how students always asked me what subject I got a C in whenever they asked me about my results.


(joke to self) I was thinking of maybe adding a middle initial to my name: Michael C. McMahon. Then the C can stand for Chief!


I'll make a confession: I'm never good at getting up in the mornings. Too much lucid dreaming! The sports course was a 40 minute walk from my accommodation and so I'd a routine where if I was going to be 20 minutes late I'd get away with walking while if it was going to be later I'd have to spend money on a taxi instead!

I'd to do 60hrs work placement in a gym during the course. I helped out with the cleaning and sweeping. They offered me free lunch each day I was there. I was grateful because technically they didn't have to pay me at all. It did help my motivation where I'd have all the chores done before my meal. All my hours work just to fund my food; that's what you call a subsistence wage!



I used to be very disorganised and didn’t have my study completed in time for the leaving cert exams. I might have tried to do too many subjects and I never really scheduled my study. I left a lot of chapters until the week of the exams and of course I became too fatigued and burnt out to get it finished. Maths is a very tricky subject to fall behind in because it's harder to know how long it will take to learn the methods of the remaining chapters compared to the simple case of seeing how many pages are left in a biology book. It consumed a week of study before the exams just to get my head around the probability section. Complacency crept in where I focused more on learning the material without being sufficiently exam-oriented. I took a few liberties studying extra poets and doing optional geography chapters. I didn't get all of the syllabus completed and some of my coursework was completed but not fully revised. I thought I'd have enough time studying after each exam and forgot about the added stress of exam week. At the beginning of the year I never envisioned timing to be a problem but I left it too late to cram in the weeks beforehand. I didn't attend school in the month before the exams in order to study from home. I thought that would be enough time to race ahead. Maybe if I'd two months to myself then I might have been able to at least get the bulk of my revision finished and pass everything adequately even if I wasn't going to get A's or B's. Furthermore the cramming left me totally fatigued by the time of the exams and I might have been better off omitting parts of my study and taking a rest beforehand. You might do better in an exam by half-knowing the material rather than turn up sleepy and clumsy! It's fine to be tired while doing tick-the-box questions but writing essays requires a lot of mental energy. I remember giving up questions in my paper 2 English exam out of sheer apathy and demotivation even though I would have recalled the information much easier if I were only more alert. The exhaustion made me forget much of my learning. In retrospect I should've hastened my study to get more of it completed but at the time I took too much of a risk and didn't want to compromise my grades for college entrance. I went to a revision school in my last year where the course is taught from the beginning again. This might have confused me a small bit because I was doing three extra subjects. I should've studied ahead while we were going over my previous year's syllabus and I may have been slightly complacent. Perhaps I also should've studied for a few weeks during the previous summer holidays to free up time so that I could have taken more breaks in the months leading up to the exams. I didn't relax enough on weekends and the stress only got to me at the end of the year. I got a D3 in Maths which means I must of aced paper 1 as I never sat paper 2. I got an E in Irish as the examiner didn’t appreciate my attempt at a mixed language in the oral exam. I got a B3 in English as I was rushing and not paying attention so I probably answered the wrong questions. In ordinary level French I got a B2 which was quite the achievement considering I gave up the subject 6 months earlier. With geography I got a B3 as I never revised any of the early chapters and was mostly relying on general knowledge. But I never actually got around to doing it again as I was busy with other things. I was also worried that if I failed many exams that it could undermine a possible attempt to re-apply to universities in England and Scotland where entrance is often based on interviews and past results rather than just your current exams. So technically I didn’t fail my exams simply because I didn’t actually sit them! I didn't actually do the mock exams either in the months beforehand so I was well used to saying I was too sick to sit them!


I'd originally intended to repeat by studying myself and maybe do other subjects to pass the time. Multitasking new subjects could reduce the boredom of redoing the same courses. I considered doing A-levels to retry applying to universities in England but I became uncertain because the interviews can be subjective and a lot of it is down to chance. At least I acquired some analytical skills studying each subject and so I didn't view it as a waste of time that I didn't get grades for them. For example we use the English language every day and so studying it is useful even if there's no external reward for having learned off the school poems! A lot of people get jobs in areas completely unrelated to their area of study and they don't view their time studying as unnecessary. Even if there isn't much benefit in the short-term the learned information might occasionally be relevant over the long-term. An optimistic way of looking at it is that the ordeal of my final exams helped me be more resilient and resourceful for dealing with future problems. The experience emphasised to me the need to study for its own sake. I succeeded in learning the information over the two years for most of the leaving cert and the failed exams shouldn't detract from that. There may have been a few bits in the syllabus that I don't really need to use again like the chemical formulas. Nonetheless any study no matter the subject will improve your general study skills even if we take that for granted. Creativity can come from even the most mundane associations in our past learning. For example chemistry often involves the process of breaking a problem down into more manageable pieces and this reductionistic thinking can help other personal problems. I missed out on a reward for my study but it was only a small loss in hindsight. It helped me to be more self-reliant and concentrate on my own self-study afterwards to compensate for a lack of qualifications. I tried to be more efficient in my informal study by focusing on topics most relevant to my interests and career. The failed exams reminded me not to choose a subject simply to get a pass. In other words if you knew in advance that there'd be no final test, would you still find it worthwhile to read all of it? At the end of the day a list of exam grades are mere letters on a piece of paper. I also learned to appreciate the need to unwind more often in order to regain energy and mental focus. One challenge with creating your own syllabus is that you can't rest on your laurels and you must work out its usefulness yourself.


I suppose I could repeat the exams since it wouldn't take me too long to relearn the material but the drop-out image is kind of cool! Some street cred! I soon got distracted by other topics mentioned in the blog and became unsure about my previous goal of studying science where I started thinking about freelance journalism or philosophy instead. I'd bought university books on neuroscience and physics where I realised I was too obsessed about the science of consciousness to think about other subjects. The problem of course is that it's a very mysterious and open-ended subject that doesn't lend itself to one academic domain in particular. I investigated studying with the Open University after the leaving cert but the finance didn't work out. I was so preoccupied with an existential crises that I reasoned I'd just do my own thing! I'd started a distance-learning journalism course but then I got too distracted by my own journalistic ideas to get it finished. A few thought I was just doodling on the internet seeing as it's easy to expend a lot of time on social media or entertainment. But in truth there's libraries worth of encyclopaedias on the internet whereby there's not much you can find in a textbook that isn't freely available on the internet with 20 euro a month free mobile data! Its educational value all depends on how you use it. I'd often have up to ten tabs to return to after finding links in articles along with getting lost in an exponential series of links found within links. Intermittently I thought about going to university. I looked around a university bookstore in Dublin to see if there was any topic I'd be interested in studying. But I knew I'd lost interest in going back to college when I was only drawn to the shamanic section on the top floor of the book shop! I temporarily did a science access course in UL when I was 24 before determining that it'd take a bit too long to become fully qualified and opted to look for work experience instead. Nonetheless I got an enjoyable glimpse of university life and the lecture format. Recently I was doing a distance philosophy course only to leave it incomplete as I became too preoccupied by my own philosophy threads! When I was in secondary school my goal was always to spend years in university. Having the option to go to university is a privilege in the sense that previous generations had much more difficulty accessing 3rd level education but these days it has kind of become the new normal. I remember watching an American news programme about the expensive tuition fees they pay in that country. It was with a host named John Stossel on YouTube where he was saying that while university graduates tend to earn more than those who didn't attend 3rd level, it's also the case that top students and hard-workers are more inclined to go to university. In other words the statistics can be biased because the likelihood is that if you kept the same rate of work and study then those students could do just as well even if they didn't get a degree.

I’d often write down any new ideas I thought of wherever I could conveniently put them on my phone. I wouldn’t write it all out but just one-word reminders. One day I’d an appointment with a nurse in Dublin. I was doing a lot of thinking on the train on various topics. But after I met her I accidentally sent her a list of words, “cannibalism, nightmare...”. I tried to apologise and was desperately telling her it was just for a South American history article I was writing. Luckily she was understanding. So if you’re ever forming a blog it’s best to write your ideas on a notebook and not on message drafts! I was there to participate in a brain scan for a study they were doing. I’m not sure how helpful I was seeing as I was very tired after the journey. I was half-asleep lying down in the scan while they were trying to ask me the questions. I told a friend the brain scan was cryogenic back-up to recreate my brain after death! He took me seriously and looked worried!

I asked them to reprint my results and they actually typed an A grade for my classical studies test. I should probably let them know but I won’t say anything! The exam was the last one and a week after all of the rest. I was meaning to study for it but took took the week off unfortunately. I’m probably owed a few brownie points for once having went overboard and wrote a 4 page essay for homework on Achilles in the Illiad. When I read it out in class the teacher made everyone redo their answers for homework.





Totally Miscellaneous Jokes Section:


Ever lost a match 6-0 6-1 only for the tournament to upload 6-0 6-0? In tennis terminology that's a double bagel. There's nothing more dismissive than this as they know you'll be too embarrassed to complain for that lone game. I mentioned this to a friend and he told me they do that all the time and it's their way of saying "back to Clare with you!"

I remember losing a match and heading afterwards to a restaurant. Whatever happened I started speaking to the three chair umpires and we went to the bar to have some drinks. We were discussing training schedules and they were telling jokes. The next day I was thinking if only I’d bought them more drinks I could have talked my way into a few wildcards!



Camping on the tennis trail! There’s no better way to practice shock absorption than hitting a few old balls at top speed into the woods! I'd booked a campsite but the taxi wouldn't drive on the track. I'd too many bags to carry so I decided to set up camp in a cosy field surrounded by forest instead. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and seeing one of the most vivid night-sky of stars I've ever seen. There were no clouds or artificial lights to block my gaze. I don't think a psychedelic drug could ever match a clear view of every star. It felt like I was admiring the stars from my standing position on the Moon where there isn't any distorting atmosphere at all! The dark outline of the forest in the distance looked immense; just as if it were a cliff stretching into the horizon. Darkness can create optical illusions where whatever you can't see is a mystery for your imagination to fill in. At night the creepy forest seemed never-ending just like the Amazon or Siberia and when I investigated it the following day there actually was quite a lot of depth to it. I ended up staying put for 3 nights because I enjoyed it so much! Sometimes I slept during the evening to avoid having to sleep through the cold at night. This was actually a typical tactic of hunter-gatherers and it's a convenient way to maintain focus while you watch the night turn to day.



They tolerated my time travelling and teleportation theories. But making a joke at the expense of a Greek God crossed the line and had to be removed:


That was only the mild version of the joke. If the moderators saw my first drafts there'd be a lot more banning being enforced!


One blog to rule them all!


If a day is 24 hours long, then turning up to a hotel at 1am means you should really get two nights for the price of one when you round upwards.


I try to avoid ambiguous and coarse language when I'm angry. These days there's so much openness that shouting "fu*k you" to someone could be interpreted either as an insulting dismissal or else an honest sexual request.


Pretending to read something can sometimes be a good strategy to avoid awkward silences. I made a mistake one time of reading the mineral contents of my water bottle which led everyone to speculate on who'd ever spend so long studying such material?




If this mixed bathroom were at a disco then it'd be the source of endless flirtation:

Woman - Hey you were the guy at the party!

Man - Oh yeah hi how are you?

Woman - I'm good. Why don't we sneak in for a kiss?

Man - Thanks but I can't right now; sorry.

Woman - Why do you not like me?

Man - I do but I actually did have to use the bathroom.

Woman - Oh!


A friend advised me not to try the "tweener" tennis shot between the legs in case I hit the wrong ball.


My street football skills are a little different to the foot-skills of Fifa street. My most cunning tactic was pretending to start a friendly conversation with my opponent as the goalkeeper was passing out the ball so that I could sneak out in front and steal it.


I used to visit a friend's house to shoot the zombies on Call of Duty. Eventually he laughed, "Is this all I am to you? Someone you get to kill your zombies?" It can be a tense game when you're killed just before the next round were about to begin.


It's invariably your cousins who tell the most messed up jokes. Apparently there were these foreign language students who stayed in their neighbour's house. They were two teenage girls and they had dinner each evening with the family. It seems like they had a crush on the father and spoke to each other in their native language about him. The father actually spoke their language but said nothing because it started off light enough. It was only before they left a few weeks later that the father had to interrupt them because their conversations were becoming increasingly explicit and erotic. It must have been a big shock when they realised he could understand them!


I'm often in a t-shirt when it rains in town. It's one of the rare times that slightly overweight people like myself can really show off our physicality with the added layer of body insulation!


I'd a choice between spending 90 euro on a 4 star hotel and be out of money for the next day or else spend another half hour looking for a cheaper room. As you can imagine I took the 4 star hotel and had a nap on my suitcase the following night! It's ironic that when my money was shortest my diet was most nutritious. It's only when you're at your most desperate that you can tolerate the bony taste of tinned sardines and have a few olives for desert!

Luckily someone else had the same idea I had and there was a deserted camp by the river.


I used to sleep on benches for 3 nights each week for a total of 3 weeks. I'd a choice between returning to Ireland or extending the trip by sleeping rough the odd night. I'd accommodation back in Ireland but I decided I'd have more fun in Portugal. This is one of the advantages of booking a one-way ticket where you can artificially extend your stay by camping or "chilling". I took too many indulgences by eating out in restaurants while I'd be in the hostel. Of course I'd be so exhausted by sleeping at a park by the beach such that as soon as the next week came I'd be dining out again. As you can see it was going in a bit of a circle. At the time I wasn't speaking to certain relatives and I didn't want to ask them for help. Anyway they took pity on my plight and gave me extra allowances so I could stay at a hostel every night!



Some airbnb's can be difficult to please!


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